Life Down Under

So I was waiting outside of the SuperLoo, which is the name for the public toilet in most towns here. They are actually quite nice, but you have to pay like 20 cents to get in. It is worth it since they keep a nice toilet and you don't have to worry about thing like floaties or some drunken master doing a death blossom all over the inside of the stalls... Um, so I digress. Meghan went in and I was waiting outside because I am a cheap bastard and didn't want to pay no 20 cents for no god damn leak. So I was hanging out there for GOD however long since anything that girls need to do code named operation I gotta pee.

In preparation for what happens next I also must give you a description about the lay of the land since that does play into the sequence of events. The Superloo sits in the center of a about a football sized rectangle made up of shops. There is a driving entrance/exit to the north and the west,and small walking alleys to the east and south west corner. All around the Superloo is a parking lot with lots of cars rows as one would expect. I mean seriously. A parking lot cannot by definition be different anywhere on the planet. They are all the same cramped, narrow, ugly places even though they attempt to make it look like a park by planting scrawny trees which look like they were planted yesterday. So the rows run East-West and the alley to the east feeds right into the row next to the Superloo.

Now the story continues. So I still waiting outside the Superloo in what seems like a good part of my adult life... so like 2 minutes. I hear this lady start yelling and I hear in this surrealistic haze a cry, or a plea if you will for much needed assistance. "Stop that man he has my Purse! Someone! Stop that man!" So snapping back to reality after dutifully inspecting the local ads for upcoming performances plastered on a reader board/pole. I look up to see this "Man" tearing away from the scene of his masterfully choreographed heist of the century which took place in the alley to the east fleeing down the very public and broad daylight middle row on... yes... of all things... his skateboard! I look up the row to the lady ambling down the center aisle in desperation to catch the perp, which in her victimized state, she desperately believed that the waving of her hand to somehow halt the rapidly escaping Skateboarding Purse-Snacher, which I shall dub Punk.

So Punk is putting foot to asphalt propelling his guilty-ass to seeming riches and freedom straight down the most unsuspecting of get-aways, the middle aisle. So, in with my acute reflexes, I tear myself away from the mesmerizing reader-board and can see that the situation is rapidly advancing into an uncontrolled state. I see Punk speeding towards me and I step into the aisle. Things begin to blur, as is the case with most crime fighting, I am told. Not realizing that the center aisle has a rather large speed bump (about 10 yards wide), Punk, at this point, gets a little thrown and his escape begins unravel as tried to recover from the speed bump. In my desperate attempt to foil this crime, I do the only thing that pops into mind. I race over and grab Punk by his sweatshirt. Punk, the criminal mastermind, tries to deny any involvement what-so-ever and proclaim his innocence as he desperately begins beating me off of him. I grab one of his flailing arms and which both hands try to contain Punk. In the struggle, Punk begins to get desperate and tells me to let go or he will call the police. Gotta admit, the little bugger is stupid... Oh did I say that... So the scuffle continues and a large wallet flops out of Punk's sweatshirt. At this point, I briefly get distracted that my reason for getting involved had evaporated. His prize lost, Punk switches to his flight instinct and wriggles free. Quickly grabbing his skateboard, he ran off. Time begins to speed back up to real time and we all just stand there in awe of the gall and ridiculousness of the whole ordeal.

People begin to congregate, and the lady arrives reclaiming her purse and sits shaking on the bench outside the Superloo. Meghan exits the Superloo to a different world than she went in. The police showed up from someone's call and after a bit of relating snipits of descriptions Meghan and I are invited to drive around in an attempt to ID the perp on the street(The victim had to go back to work so didn't join). 45 minutes and two shopping centers later we are dumped unceremoniously on the street to continue as normal citizens.

So Meghan and I did what most do upon coming down off the high of crime fighting. We called home and then went to the movies.